The One About Funerals, Apologies, and Being Humble

One of the best things about being an insomniac is being able to enjoy the peaceful solitude of the quiet dark world in the early morning hours.
The only good thing about being up by four am is that I do my most clear thinking at this time.
This morning my Facebook news feed is full of obituaries.
An old friend lost his sister, one her mother, another a dear friend, and another, a child.
All of these people were relatively young.
I found myself wondering what their final thoughts were.
Were they scared? Did they feel loved?
Were they upset with friends or family members?
There are so many cliches about appreciating the people you love because life is short.
The cliches are so over used I think most people are numb to them.

I start to think about all of those funerals I was too ” uncomfortable” to attend.

No, not that ninety year old aunt or uncle that lived a long full life, that you really didn’t know or had only seen a handful of times in the past thirty years.

What comes to mind are the people that suffered long illnesses, battled personal demons we don’t like to talk about, the ones that left a huge void, because you felt they should have had more time, or less pain, anything that would make it easier to comprehend.

I think of the people that have passed that I may not have been on the best of terms with. I think of the guilt I feel that I never got the opportunity to make amends.

I think of my friend Holly, who is so vigilant about attending wakes and funerals, whether it be for her own closure, or to aid in the closure of those left behind. I guess the why’s are insignificant, the knowledge of it being the right thing to do are what is most important. And sometimes doing the right thing can be borderline traumatic.

Maybe think of it this way.
The next time you are engaging in an argument or fighting with a friend, family member or significant other, picture that person just not being there anymore, and see if whatever it is that has you so upset is that important.
A few days ago , a friend made a post asking if it was right to apologize to someone, even if you feel you are not wrong, because the person is not ready to understand , and is it better to just keep the peace?
My comment was absolutely not.
You should not have to apologize if you are not wrong, and that I was tired of apologizing to people that hurt me.
I am re thinking my comments this morning.
What if the other person wasn’t there anymore?
Would I be relishing the fact that I didn’t apologize because I believed I was right?
Or would I be wishing that the other person left this Earth knowing how much I loved and appreciated them?
The answer is definitely the latter.
I think that fear plays into our need to always be seen as “right”
As Yoda would say:
Fear Leads to Anger, Anger Leads to Hate, and Hate leads to suffering.
I surely do not want to suffer.
I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, but with that being said, I still have a lot to learn in terms of what is important and what is not in life.
If you are angry with someone right now,
Picture them just not being there anymore ,and see if your desire to be right is still important.
Love is always more important than righteousness.
Always choose love, if you choose love, you always win.
Sometimes the simplest things show you you have a lot of growing up to do.
Lesson learned.
I hope all of the people I love have a great evening.

2 thoughts on “The One About Funerals, Apologies, and Being Humble

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